通过一系列事件，我意识到有些同事没有’t much care for me. 我不’t know the exact number, nor 做 I know the full extent of their dislike, but it was becoming clear to me 那 在 the minds of my fellow teachers, I had become one of the 选择 ones, the principal’的宠物。一旦决定，学校对我来说就是一个寒冷的地方。
这里’s the story.
什么时候Debbie walked 在 to my classroom, I could tell right away she was pissed. She never just popped 在 for no reason; 在 fact, I didn’想不到她曾经去过 在 my room before. 黛比 taught 在 a different grade, 在 another part of the building, 和 though we’d偶尔坐在会议的同一张桌子上，在大厅里交换亲切的微笑，我们彼此之间并不十分了解。
And 那’s 什么 黛比 was there to talk about.
“I just have one question for 您,” she began, skipping the formality of a hello. “What gives 您 the right to take a position from someone else who it was promised to for years before 您 even started teaching here?”
起初我只是站在那儿。是的，我’d expected 黛比 to not be happy about the decision. What surprised me was this new twist on the official story—I had deliberately 已采取 她的工作这对我来说是新领域：我没有’通常会参与戏剧。一世’d从来没有小时候打过架，从来没有“chewed someone out.”我保持自我，努力奋斗，并努力避免冲突。但这戏剧似乎已经来临了。
几秒钟紧张而令人心碎的几秒钟后，我终于开口了。“I 做n’t know 什么 您’重新谈论。托马斯先生把它给了我。我没 问 为此。”
黛比 snorted. “Oh, so now 您’re trying to say 您 didn’t 想 它？”她将手放在臀部上。 “我一秒钟都不相信。”
我想过这个问题。 “不，我 做 想 it. Of course I 想 it. 但是我 never went to him 和 问ed for it.” I held her gaze. “He approached me. I had no idea 您 were 在 terested 在 it.”
This was mostly true. 什么时候Mr. Thomas had 在 itially 问ed me about moving, I knew nothing about 黛比’s 在 tentions. I did hear about 他们 later, but still, I didn’t realize she thought I just demanded the job, then got it. Who had 那 kind of power?
“Well, I was 在 terested,” she said. “But he told me 那 您’re some kind of published author 和 那 I just need to accept his decision.”
我试图掩盖自己的反应，但在我的脑海里我在想， 到底在哪里 那 来自？ I had no 在 tentions of telling Debbie 那 I wasn’t actually published anywhere, but I racked my brain trying to remember 什么 I’d said to give Mr. Thomas 那 impression. This was 2002, long before I started blogging. I hadn’没事发表托马斯先生一定对我有误解’d谈到了我曾经读过的研究生写作课程。’不知道。不过，有件事告诉我这不是’t时间来清理那一个。
I wish I could say we reached an understanding 那 afternoon, 那 黛比 believed me when I denied any foul play, 那 she walked away with a clearer picture of how things actually went 做wn. But 那 didn’t happen. 黛比 was firm 在 her belief 那 I had set out to take 那 job from her, 和 she left just as angry as when she’d arrived.
The upcoming months, which should have been an exciting time for me as I prepared to move to a new grade 和 a new classroom, were stained by 那 在 cident, 和 by the small, not-so-subtle ones 那 followed: The silence when I came close to certain tables 在 the staff lounge, the overly polite, strained smiles when I said hello to certain people, 和 the fact 那 when I said “Debbie can’t stand me” to another teacher 朋友, she didn’纠正我在整个夏天，黛比和我参加了相同的PD，有时被分组在一起-毕竟我们的主题领域是相同的。一直以来，她只是瞪着我。作为一个已经感觉像局外人的人，我现在得到了确认。也许那是我的想象力，但是感觉就像黛比对我的挑衅波及其他老师一样，就像我一年前的班组长一样，几乎没有看着我。
It hurt. More than I even 想ed to admit. Intellectually, I could take the advice of my husband 和 朋友s who said Screw 他们, they’re just jealous。但这并没有嫉妒的感觉。感觉就像他们只是不喜欢我一样。
So I did 什么 I’m good at: I hid. I never, ever ate 在 the teachers’休息室。相反，我在教室里吃午饭。我闭上了嘴。在教职工会议上，当我有贡献的时候，我会把它自己保留下来。我与最安全的人保持紧密联系，只是避免与其他人接触。
At our first meeting, he told us why he’d 选择 us: Unlike many of the teachers at our school, who had a strong negative reaction whenever he proposed a new 在 itiative, he had seen 在 us a more positive attitude, an 在 terest 在 getting better 和 growing. He figured if we piloted these new strategies, then presented 他们 to the staff, we could sort of steer the ship 和 motivate everyone else to get on board.
物联网’t quite go as planned. Yes, we dug 在 to the strategies, studied our material carefully, talked about 什么 we were learning in our committee meetings, 和 it was good. But there was also something else: A spirit of 我们对他们 had 已采取 over, a 划分 between “teachers like us,”真正想要改善的人和其他员工，他们一贯的消极态度只会阻碍我们前进。我不’不记得有关如何提升他们，如何同情或更好地理解它们的任何讨论。我们没有’不要与他们接触或将其纳入我们的计划中。他们不是被视为个体，复杂的人，而是一个整体-消极的老师。在我们的私人会议中，当我们本应谈论学生学习时，我们花了很多时间试图弄清楚我们将要做什么。当他们给了不可避免的回推时要做。
Mr. Thomas revealed his Leadership Team at an all-staff PD before the start of the next school year. He explained 那 we had been selected for our dedication, et cetera, 和 talked about 什么 we had been working on for the past few months. He named us one by one 和 问ed us to stand for a moment. I’在他的心中肯定，他试图举起我们作为榜样或榜样，但令人尴尬。同事们的目光并不令人钦佩;相反，他们看上去很困惑和不满。太棒了
我当然不是’唯一的一个：我的教学团队的另外三名成员也找到了他们。但是一个没有’t。还有很多其他老师没有’t either, experienced teachers who had put 在 much more time than me. From 什么 I was hearing, plenty of people were fuming about who got 什么. Regardless of the rationale behind the decision, it seemed 那 once again I was being given the keys to the kingdom.
因此，我没有感到高兴，而是感到内in。我试图在其中发现一些小缺陷，以随便地弥补缺点。“It’到办公室很长时间，” I’d say, or “新房间有那些恒温器可以’t be adjusted.” 它没有’没有帮助。可能会使情况变得更糟。一旦人们下定决心相信您会获得特殊特权，在那里’您几乎无法做任何改变主意的事情。
Especially if 您 think they might be right.
我不’t still carry negative emotions from those years. Actually, 那’s crap. Writing all this 做wn definitely brings back some pain. I know 什么 was 在 my heart during 那 time: I 想ed to 做 a good job for my students 和 I was willing to work 在 credibly hard to achieve 那. 但是我 also 想ed my colleagues to like me. I have always admired people who could barrel through life saying “I 做n’t care 什么 people think.”但是我从来都不是其中之一。我比我应该关心的更多。
但是随着时间的流逝，我的伤痛情绪肯定会发生变化。在这种情况下，我没有将自己视为某种受害者，而是更加清楚地看到了自己在所有这些方面的作用：’与同事的价值关系我没有’将时间，精力或创造力与其他老师建立联系。取而代之的是，我将所有的东西都投入了学生，自己的工作质量，追求教学的卓越性。我没有’t realize how much happier my work life could have been if I had put even a fraction of 那 time 在 to building better 朋友ships with my peers.
那里’s more: As much as I hated feeling 划分 d from some of the other teachers, I enjoyed the ego boost 那 came from being among a select few. It felt good to be 选择, to have students tell me I was their favorite, to have my principal say I was one of the good ones. But that feeling is soul candy, a momentary high from the drug of competition, 和 it’与完全可持续的东西完全不兼容：合议制。
如果我现在可以回去，我会做不同的事情。因为我可以’t, here’s my advice to principals 和 teachers to help 您 avoid similar problems 在 您r school.
优先考虑员工关系。 什么时候I 在 terviewed Carrie, a 五年后离开专业的老师, she told me 那 one big contributor to her desire to leave was how isolated she felt as a new teacher. In some schools, staff “fellowship” is something administrators take an active role 在 , planning 在 formal get-togethers 和 celebrating teachers on a personal level. But 在 other places, where the administration leaves the chips to fall where they may, faculty members just clique up, sticking only to their small circle of 朋友s, 和 this is a fertile breeding ground for teachers to feel isolated 和 shunned, even when they’re not. Research has shown a strong 社会关系与身心健康之间的联系, so if 您 想 happy, productive teachers, take active steps to improve their relationships 彼此.
Be transparent 在 您r decision making. It’s tempting to hide unpleasant news until the last minute, but 那 just makes the final explosion bigger. If Mr. Thomas had notified ALL language arts teachers when the position was going to open up, 和 if nothing else, at least given a surface-level consideration of all 在 terested parties, his final decision probably still would have made 黛比 upset, but it might have at least diffused some of her anger.
私下称赞。 Don’t brag about one staff member to another one. This 做es not motivate people. Instead, praise 在 dividuals directly, 在 private. Write notes of appreciation giving positive, specific compliments about the things 您r teachers are 做ing right. ALL of 他们. Everyone 想s to be noticed, 和 a little goes a long way.
避免执行秘密任务。 Assembling a team of motivated teachers to pilot a new program or run with a new idea might seem like a good idea, but a secret committee will ultimately be not secret. Then everyone knows 您 have made an unofficial team of favorites 和 您 end up with a 划分 d faculty. Instead, share 您r vision with the whole staff, no matter how cranky 您 think most of 他们 are, 和 open up the opportunity to anyone who’有兴趣。最终您可能会遇到同一群人，但至少您给了每个人一个机会。
Diversify 您r focus group. It’s more comfortable to seek feedback from people whose company 您 enjoy, who share 您r philosophy about teaching 和 whose work 您 respect 和 admire—people who like 您 back. But when 您 really 想 to know how a new idea is going to fly or 什么 problems are happening under 您r radar, 您 need to actively seek out feedback from other teachers as well; teachers with whom 您 做n’t have the best relationship. If the only opportunity they have to give their opinion is when they summon the courage to complain, then they are already at a disadvantage. By 在 viting their feedback, 您’re not only taking a proactive step toward building a better relationship with those teachers, 您 might also get some really good ideas.
Prioritize relationships with 您r co-workers. 与校长保持融洽的关系很重要，但我认为您的工作满意度在很大程度上取决于您与其他老师的关系。如果您齐心协力认识同事，您的工作生活将变得更加愉快。参加社交功能，而不仅仅是快速弹出。当谈话从学校转到个人生活时，请表现出兴趣。问问题。并分享自己-让您的同事们知道您将在建立牢固的联系方面走很长的路要走。
Show 您r flaws. It’s hard to get close to someone who seems to have it all together, all the time, so stop shooting for perfection. Be vulnerable. Ask for help. Though it may not be apparent right away, every single teacher 在 您r building can teach 您 something, 和 when 您 问, 您’重新认识并尊重他们的经验。
验证其他老师的感受。 请理解，即使您在同一所学校，每个老师对文化的体验也会有所不同。其他老师’ relationships with students, parents, 和 administrators are not the same as 您rs. And 什么 您 might perceive as negativity from 他们 probably has a long 和 complicated history behind it. So listen more than 您 talk, reflect 什么 您’重新聆听，并真正尝试从其他人那里看到事物’s point of view.
Use 您r powers for good. If a colleague is being treated unfairly, but they 做n’t have a great relationship with 您r administrator, go to bat for 他们. If 您 feel 您 are being given preferential treatment, say something. Yes, it would be so much easier 在 the short run to take 您r goodies without question, but those goodies will eventually turn sour.
这些建议赢得了’t make everything perfect, 和 您’ll still find 您rself at odds with some of 您r colleagues, but if 您 recognize the value of the relationships 您 have with 他们, the time 您 spend with 他们 day after day 和 year after year will be richer, happier, 和 ultimately better for all of 您. ♥